Confusion.

Panic At the Disco.

Lights flashing. Lost within the colors.

A rainbow.
Im learning. How to let go. How to read the story before it is written.

To be Aware. UnaFraid.
To mediatate. To know that there is fear. To recognise the fear. Accept a certain level of fear.

To accept a certain level of pain. Dissapointment and uncertainty.
To accept it all. And to love it.

To know that things can only get better.
Because no one should ever have to settle.
A facade. A shattered mirrror breeds indifference.

A million pieces- there is no point in gluing the pieces back together.

It should be over. Hanging on to remnants. That will soon dissipate. Dissapear. Into nothingness.
A vacuum. Where something once was. Where everything once was. Where hope once was.

It is a good thing. To say goodbye.

FiGht

Someone who will Fight for ME

Who wants to know more about me that I think I know about myself.

Who adores me and not the idea of me.

No pedestal to fall from.

No halo above my head.

Someone who knows the secrets of the earth.

And who wants to learn them from me too.

Someone who will fight for me.
Someone who will take a stand. Who makes a decision.

An individual who Despises Apathy and all it encompasses.

Someone who remembers. And recalls.

Someone I could never live without.
Someone whom I can learn to live without.

Just someone to.

BURGERS BACON AND CHEESE

Just stuffed myself with Burgers, bacon and cheese.
Feeling insanely contented.
It truly is the simple things in life that make you smile.

At least I do.

Today I learnt that you can sleep the day away.
And the night too.
With the correct amount of pills.

And sunglasses in the evening is NOT a fashion faux pas!
But a statement. Although what i want to be said still remains unclear.

I learnt the mayonnaise goes with anything. Even socks.
And that the whole egg variety tastes rotten.

I also learnt that sometimes, the hardest thing to do in life is to ignore the one you LovE
And dont give in to that nagging voice. The one that keeps telling you to call. Text. Respond.

Because even the smallest break in resolve, even for a second, will spell the End.

Sometimes the most difficult thing in the world is to IGNORE the one you Love.
IGNORE the throbbing and the pain.
Watch tv. Become a robot. Or go to sleep- in couches, on tables and floors.

Sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to keep your mouth shut.
Pretend it is all ok. Resist the urge to ScREAM.
Swallow the URGE to be HEaRD.

Convince yourself that you dont need him.
That you are fine.
Cling to your jar of Real MAyonnaise.
Forget his eyes, his nose and his curly hair.

Amnesia for a day. A night.
It never happened. Who, What and Where?

Honesty is the best policy. So why is it that all i see are LIES?
Red, Black streaks across an ivory plateau.

Obsession. Must be digested.
If pain can only make you stronger, how come my arms and legs and head are falling off?

A Death LAter

Reality isnt all it seems.

And i thought i kneW YOu. But I guess i didnt.

And it Burnt. Seared me.

All Those Untruths and Half Truths.

I Love You in a different Currency- worth less. Worthless.

I knew beTTer. Deep Down i realised something was wrong.
That Uncomfortable Feeling. Never at Ease.

You hid. Were hiding.
Not Anymore.

Now its MY turn.

Sometimes running is better.

Pain NOw. But If I stayed. A Death LAter.

So....its different this time round.

ALone and yet definitely not.

Love is Definitely CraZy. As is our definition of it. We look for direction.
A begining and and an End. The beginning of the End.

Rarely enjoying the Actual time.
Engaging in paranoia, jumping to conclusions.

We dont care. But cling on tight. Afraid that if we just...Breathe.
It will all disappear.

Only the Fear Remains. Palpitating. Beating. AliVe.

We cant believe this is happening to us. The dream and Nightmare.