!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its so difficult to live with the people you love.
Because your not afraid to be who you are, sometimes all the worst parts of you come out.

Id rather live with distance in between us.
Ugh...living at home is claustrophobic.
I love them.

But I cannot live with them.
They dont stop whining.
There is no such thing as an 'off' switch in our household.

Then I start to get angry.
And they start to foam at the mouth.
And words start flying.
And voices become raised.
And I just end up hating it. And wishing I was anywhere but.

Here.

I want to scream into a pillow.
Kick, hit, punch, yell, cry.
All the emotional extremities i can think of.
I am not a very restraint person by nature.
But this is getting ridiculous.
Its all the time.

I need my distance!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait

So this is what it feels like to wait.


I have never been a particularly patient person. So I have decided that this must be a trick the universe is playing on me. Only im not laughing. Im pissed off.
I think its karma.

I had plans. Dates. Events. I had a life to live. And in a place I loved so much too.
But im tethered on the edge of some unknown abyss.
And I dont know how to deal.
Frustration and inertia are two of my least favourite words. But I have no choice but to act them out. In a sick play where no one knows the ending, not even me- its director, actor AND writer.

I feel out of balance. Sometimes. And then I right myself again.
Im not so much empty as...bored.
Not so much sad as...
Not so much impatient as...
Not so much angry as...
Taking it out on someone would be wrong. Disgustingly wrong.
Revolting.

Sigh*

Ive got to wait. And hope. And live. In the now.
All the while hoping that things turn out the way they are supposed to turn out- in my favor.

Wishful Thinking?