November RAIN

So i realize that it is September...i haven't gone completely senile yet.

Life is a highly intelligent creature. It has a way of forcing you to learn the lessons you need to learn. I've recently recognized and embraced ( albeit grudgingly), the fact that whether or not we choose to deal with our issues in the present or ten years from now, they need to be dealt with. Just because we pretend that something isn't there does not equate to the reality of our choice. Self-imposed blindness does not have any bearing on the realities we face on a daily basis.

Procrastinate, delay and Avoid. By all means. But these things have a way of catching up with you. And they will pursue you until they have you sat in front of them- face to face, palm to palm- and confronting the very source of your pain - the one that threatens to overwhelm and drown you, the one with the potential to destroy.

Eventually, the lessons you need to learn - whether it be self-discipline and control, the need to relinquish control over every minute aspect of your life, to accept that it is not in the job description of those you love to make you happy or maybe, what you need to learn is to simply love yourself - will set you free (...having just re-read this line, i realize that i sound so incredibly condescending).

It is not easy. I think that living and confronting our fears empower us. That is the theory anyhow. It can be heart-wrenching,cruel, soul-crumpling and emotionally crippling. But i need to believe that this is all a temporary process- like fluorescent dye from a six day trial package, which promises to wash away as soon as its time is up.

OBSESSION is a dangerous thing. To FOCUS so utterly, to view life as though through a telescope, a single line of vision. To be plagued by thoughts which you would rather have ripped and torn from your mind. Because then maybe, rest can come.